plainjanechronicles

Songs That Feel Like Home

2011-12-23T11:52:00.000-08:00

No, this isn't a Christmas song. But somehow, Russell managed to set my iTunes settings to Random and this song began to play. There was one point in my young life, where I would play this song almost five times a day and I am still in love with it. When I hear it I think about my family, my life as well as the places and people I have learned from. There are some things that I wish I was mature enough to have done differently but I have accepted the fact that I didn't but now I can. It's amazing what feelings this little song can conjure up and it almost always makes me teary eyed. Are there any songs that do this to you?

-J

Book Review: The Sisters Brothers

2011-12-07T13:21:00.000-08:00

I just finished The Sisters Brothers by Patrick DeWitt and was very pleased with the overall experience of it. Set in 1851's American West, it tells the story of Eli and Charlie Sisters, two fiercely loyal and flinty brothers, whose affinity for killing has garnered them, not only a notable reputation, but a permanent position as assassins for the local bigwig. The book starts out with the brothers setting off to kill a man named "Warm" who has unluckily somehow offended their well paying employer, "the Commodore." Eli is the narrator and supposedly "softer" of the two brothers in manners and temperament and I found myself trusting in his rustic charm and sometimes poetic judgement. However, it soon becomes apparent, as the brother experience varying challenges and memorable characters along the way, that Eli, too, is not to be trifled with. The casual manner of the brothers' violence is juxtaposed with their filial love and allegiance for each other while their dark humor reflects the case hardened reality of their existence. I found myself laughing along with them one moment and being disgusted with them the next.

At first, I perceived the chapters to be a little choppy but that quality seemed to lend itself well to the journey feel of the book. Stop, go. Stop, go - as though imitating the bumpy ramble of a horse.

I was also surprised to discover that the book reads very much like a movie - and a good movie, at that - if it were to be treated correctly. It reminded me very much of the Cohen Brothers' interpretation of "True Grit" and I would not be surprised if a screen play were to emerge in the near future as it has all the elements of a Hollywood blockbuster: love, hate, violence, humor, redemption and a bit of mystery. Mix those ingredient with the blood and dust of the old West and you'll not only have a hit on your hands but maybe some manure too.

Overall, it was a great read and I would recommend it but with a warning that this book isn't for everyone - especially those with an aversion to strong language and violence.

Has anyone else read this book? What are your thoughts?

-J

Merry Craftmas

2011-12-06T11:54:00.000-08:00

I am not a terribly crafty person but when someone sets up an craft event and provides all the supplies and direction...I'm there! I made this with a few ladies from church and think it's pretty cute.

If you're wondering how to make your own (or something like it), it would probably be pretty simple, although you may need to borrow someones Cricut or Silhouette machine to cut out the vinyl. Then you just need some transfer paper, an ordinary floor tile and voila!

Have fun crafting!

-J

The weather outside is frightful...

2011-12-03T19:32:00.000-08:00

As we travelled down the highway at a snail's pace, barely able to see two cars lengths in front of ourselves because of the blustery snow, Ken and I had a simultaneous epiphany: let's cancel our plans and just have a cozy night in . As much as we were looking forward to those plans, a stressful night in the snow seemed a good reason to reschedule. So we made a very cautious u-turn and hightailed it home to some delicious Indian food and a warm house.

Then, since we were already snowed in, we decided to finally switch out our old chandelier in the kitchen for a much nicer, updated, yet economical replacement. My "before" and "after" photos got all mixed up and I'm too lazy to reload them so I'm going to spoil the surprise and show the "after" first.

AFTER: Lovely

BEFORE: Eighties Monstrosity!

A closer look at the blight on my kitchen.

Doesn't it remind you of a flying saucer?

I am so happy with the end result! However, now I want to switch out the table too...haha. It's a slippery slope this home improvement/decorating thing.

Now it's time to whip out the hot chocolate, gaze upon the beautiful Christmas tree and enjoy a classic family film that just so happens to be on TV tonight: Uncle Buck! Oh John Candy, you are a comedic genius!

-J

Soap Box

2011-11-22T12:21:00.000-08:00

I just read this story and it made me want to spit with rage. It is so frustrating to know that we live in a world where women are still treated like little more than commodities and scapegoats for the gross improprieties of "religious," Patriarchal, power mongering, victim blaming men. It's absolutely disgusting and it breaks my heart. Thank goodness for initiatives like "Because I am a Girl." Gender equality furthers the cause of child survival and development for all society, which is why we should never underestimate the importance of women's rights.

Rant over. I shall now descend from my lofty soap box and get back to watching "Diego" with the boy.

-J

Now That's Love

2011-11-17T22:50:00.000-08:00

I sometimes complain about my husband and most of the time these complaints have something to do with him being "insensitive" or "oblivious." I joke about it and often it really is funny the way he seems blissfully unaware of tone and/or body language. I know that these aren't always the best ways to communicate with him and I have made a conscious effort to retrain myself to say what I want and not just assume that he will be able to "read" me. But there are times when how I feel really cannot be put into words and that dear husband of mine IS able to read me like a book.

Last night was one of those instances. I was sick, tired and stressed out. I just wanted to have a relaxing bath and so I filled up the tub, forgetting that our hot water tank doesn't have the capacity to fill our big soaker tub. The running water turned cold and I still had 2/3 of the tub left to fill but I got in anyway, hoping to salvage the moment. And do you know what my dear husband did? He filled every pot of water in the kitchen with water and boiled it on the stove. Then he took a big bowl of water and boiled it in the microwave and carried them all up to the bathroom to fill my tub up with hot water. Then he refilled them all and did this another three times!

The tub still didn't get filled all the way but my heart sure did! So the next time I feel like sharing a funny story about my hubbie's insensitivity, I think I'll share this one instead.

-J

Book Banning

2011-09-15T11:49:00.000-07:00

The American Library Association will soon be celebrating their annual Banned Book Week in the States which has got me thinking about this very interesting and controversial topic. This time last year, I was able to experience BBW while Ken and I were living in Houston and found it to be incredibly eye opening and fun. My local library there in Houston put out a lively display of banned books from history as well as books that were being challenged at the time. I was not surprised to see books like Slaughterhouse-Five, 1984, Naked Lunch, A Clockwork Orange, The Catcher in the Rye and other more infamously known and commonly banned books; however, I was startled to see so many contemporary children's books on the list: Harry Potter (series), Captain Underpants, How to Eat Fried Worms, James and the Giant Peach, and A Wrinkle in Time. I read all of these books as a child and have reread many as an adult and was flabbergasted as to why they would be banned from any library.

This is the slippery slope of censorship. If you don't like the book and think it is a bad influence on you then PICK A DIFFERENT BOOK. If you don't want your child reading something that you think may have a negative influence on him/her, have him/her PICK A DIFFERENT BOOK. And if your child comes across any material in a book that he/she/you deem inappropriate then TALK ABOUT IT and then, if you deem it necessary, you guessed it, PICK A DIFFERENT BOOK.

I recently came across an article over at The Exponent, a blog that I peruse every so often that sums up how I feel about book banning:

Book Burning “Friends”

Posted on September 15, 2011 by April

A few books that have been banned at some children's schools

Remember that cute story in the Friend about the eight-year-old who read some bad words in a children’s book she checked out from the school library? She went home and talked to her parents about it. They explained what the words meant and why they chose not to use such language. They also talked about why the characters in the book used such words. Maybe the characters were struggling to choose the right. On the other hand, maybe they came from a different background where such words weren’t taboo. They talked about how they could maintain their own language standards while showing tolerance and respect for people with different standards. They used the book as a tool to reinforce their family’s values while gaining new insights and appreciation for the perspectives of others.

You don’t remember the story? That is because I am telling it wrong. In the actual story, the girl got the book banned from her school...

I think we need to be very careful when it comes to supporting censorship - book banning in particular. Instead of dealing with/talking about any particular issues addressed in controversial books, many think simply banning the book will make those problems just go away. I'm not saying we shouldn't protect our children from material that is not suited to their ages and moral principles but banning the book completely is not the answer; education and tolerance is.

What do you think?

-J

Checking Out

2011-06-28T19:14:00.000-07:00

About 8 months ago I was unlucky enough to have a miscarriage. It was difficult. Period. However, I waited the 3 months to recover (as per the doctor's orders) and we started to try again. Month after month we waited to see a positive pregnancy test but to no avail. So I decided that I was just going to take the pressure off and try to live my life like I wasn't trying to get pregnant. Enter the 3o lbs in 3 months goal. Two weeks into that goal I discovered I was 8 weeks pregnant! But two weeks after that I feared that I had miscarried again only to have my fears confirmed by an ultrasound. I didn't have a D&C and so have been going through the whole miscarriage process again - because, as anyone out there who has had a miscarriage knows - it takes time for the products of conception and the endometrium to shed. To make a long story short, for the past month, I have pretty much checked out of anything having to do with a diet - unless that diet consisted of all of my comfort foods! Jane Austin adaptations have also become a staple!

Today I realized that I was ready to get back on the horse and resume my diet/exercise routine. I'm pretty sure I won't be as consistent about blogging about it but I do plan to share some highlights/lowlights.

Although, to say that I am sad about having another miscarriage is an understatement, I am certainly very grateful for the beautiful little boy that is such a joy in my life and am very hopeful that the next pregnancy will have a successful outcome. I am also very appreciative of an understanding and patient husband who had to put up with an extra long, extra hormonal episode of PMS!!

On the upside, now I can start drinking again...j/k. Wish me luck!

-J

The Fountain of Death

2011-05-30T15:30:00.000-07:00

When we moved into our house we discovered that the previous owners had left a few "gifts" behind for us. Some were pleasant: mirrors, floating shelves and curtains. While others were, shall we say, pretty crappy. No, I mean, literally crappy. When we viewed the house in December, the backyard was covered in snow so we had no idea until the snow melted that the entire backyard was littered with mounds and mounds of dog feces! They must have had four dogs or one really big mother...you know what I mean...to leave that much crap laying around. Ken spent two hours one Saturday raking it up and only managed to clean 1/4 of the yard. I have to give Ken some big props though because the next Saturday he spent nearly the entire day in the backyard and cleaned it up so nicely. So now we are poop free but have yet to be rid of the giant yellow grass spots left behind by copious amounts of dog urine. I'm sure in another year...or two the grass will be back to normal, but in the mean time, things are a little patchy.

The other thing that the previous owners left behind was a giant lion-head fountain in the front entryway. Yes, you heard me - GIANT LION HEAD FOUNTAIN! This thing is the bane of my existence. At first it was a quirky novelty. We would turn on the "scary" (Russell didn't seem to enjoy the lion head) fountain to surprise guests. Ken, especially, got a kick out of filling it up and turning it on for special occasions. However, my relationship with the fountain soon turned sour when a certain little person decided it was a fun new toy (after he quickly overcame his fear of the monster). Now everything goes in the fountain: running shoes, PB & J sandwiches, hands, feet, sippy cups, cousins and diapers. It drives me nuts! This concrete, tacky, monstrosity has to go...and soon...or I will not be a happy camper. Cross your fingers for me that it will be gone by this weekend. Then all I'll have to deal with is a giant hole in the wall. No biggy.

-J

Wrench in the Works

2011-05-24T12:30:00.000-07:00

I was doing so well...until the the weekend when I attended a wedding in Edmonton. Then my family was staying at my house until this morning and it was difficult to find healthy, cost effective meals to feed seven kids and seven adults. Boo! Skip to this morning when I stepped onto the scale - it wasn't a pretty sight. In two weeks I have only lost 4 lbs. On Wednesday when I weighed myself, it read that I had lost 6! How can you gain 2 lbs in one weekend?? I am hoping that some of it is water weight and that when I go back to the grindstone...I mean healthy routine and start drinking lots of water again that it will go back down...haha. Let's hope so!

The wedding was beautiful though and I'm so happy we were able to attend. My cousin, Stacey, made one gorgeous bride!

Congratulations Stacey and Ken! You two are going to have a fantastic life together!

-J

Quinoa For Breakfast?

2011-05-16T13:03:00.000-07:00

Before you shake your head at me, you should try this recipe. It's healthy (the Quinoa is a good source of protein and amino acids), tastes great and can be adapted to suit your tastes. This is the way I ate it:

1/2 c. cooked Quinoa

1/4 c. soy milk (or less depending on how think you like things)

1 Tbsp Agave Nectar (or brown sugar)

1 Tbsp Flax seed

1/2 Apple diced

1 tsp cinnamon

Heat everything up in a pot on the stove until the apples are soft and that's it: breakfast! Feel free to tweak the amounts and the type of fruit you use. It would also taste delicious with a splash of vanilla instead of cinnamon and blueberries instead of apples. It's up to you.

-J

Do the Math

2011-05-14T14:17:00.000-07:00

The basic tenants of weight loss are to burn more energy than you consume. But how do you know if you are burning more? The calculation to see how much energy you burn in a day without any exercise (otherwise known as your basal metabolic rate or BMR) in women can be found by doing this simple calculation: 655 + (4.35 x weight in lbs) + (4.7 x height in inches) - (4.7 x age in years). That seems complicated but it's really not. Remember, calculate the brackets first! I punched the numbers and my BMR came out to 1744.1. Therefore, in theory, to lose weight I need to consume less than that in a day. According to all the sites I googled, in order to lose a pound, you need to burn 3500 calories a week or 500 calories per day. So in order to lose 2.5 lbs/week, I need to consume 500 calories less than normal and burn 700 calories a day through exercise, that is, if I'm doing the math right but math was never my strong suit so hopefully this all makes sense. Currently I am eating a 1500 calorie/day diet; however, it seems that since my BMR is approx. 1740 that I really need to be consuming a 1240 calorie (500 calories less than what I need) diet in order to lose 1lb. That doesn't seem like enough food to me but maybe that's because I love food! Perhaps I should up the ante in my exercise so that I can keep my food calories? Hmmm...I'm not sure. What has worked for you guys?

-J

At a loss

2011-05-11T13:04:00.000-07:00

I've been noticing lately that my pants have been fitting a little more snugly and my face has become more round...so...it's time for some serious action. My plan is to lose 30 lbs in 3 months which is just over two pounds a week. Ken thought I should shoot for 40 but I don't really think that is realistic for me so 30 it is!

How: ~1500 calorie diet high in protein, veggies and low in sugar and carbs

- Keeping a food journal to keep myself honest about what and how much I actually consume

- 30 minutes of cardio (walking, running, zumba etc...) a day coupled by 30 minutes of strength training (weights, crunches, squats etc...)

My weight and measurements are too embarrassing to post to the world but every two weeks I will post how much I have lost. And if I actually reach my goal, then I might post what my real weight and measurements were. In between, I hope to post some yummy, healthy recipes and tricks/rewards I use to keep myself motivated. Hopefully this will keep me accountable to myself and, perhaps, also to you.

I started on Monday and so far I'm on track. Wish me luck!

-J

The Hunt

2011-04-26T10:35:00.000-07:00

Ahhh...Easter Sunday was beautiful. Which means it was a perfect day for an Easter egg hunt - Russell's first! What a good little seeker.

My child is a bit of an oddity in that he doesn't enjoy eating chocolate but he loves to unwrap it and give it away, especially to Daddy. He doesn't get that from me!

I'm excited to get out today and enjoy the "hustling obstreperous wind." Good word eh? Obstreperous - meaning unruly or difficult to control. Thank you for your vocabulary lessons Mr. Carl Sandburg. I shall henceforth refer to Russell as obstreperous!

Happy Easter to you all!

-J

Filling up Space

2011-03-10T17:58:00.000-08:00

We not only have a lot more square footage now but that means we have a lot of empty wall space. So, since we don't really have the money to spend on artwork, I thought I might try my hand at painting something to put above the bed in the master bedroom and make the wall a little less naked. Russell slept just long enough for me to finish and I'm pretty pleased with the final product.

This picture doesn't quite capture the colors but meh...what can you do? Now all I have to do is sign my name to the bottom and hang it. I'll be sure to post what it looks like above the bed.

-J

Basement Blues

2011-03-10T17:17:00.000-08:00

So, as I stated in an earlier post, Ken and I recently bought and moved into a house!! It only took a couple of days for us (and by us I mean me) to organize the entire upstairs and main floor because we really didn't have that much stuff. However, the basement was a different story altogether. I wish I had a before picture to show you how piled high with random storage it was. Every time I walked down the basement stairs, I nearly had a nervous breakdown just thinking about how long it was going to take to organize everything the way I like it. I must admit that I am a little anal when it comes to organization. "A place for everything and everything in its place" is definitely my motto.

Thankfully for me, I have a Mother who is even more anal than I am! She came out for a week and we managed to tackle the basement in five days, adding resin shelves, bookshelves, wall hooks and more to make sure everything was stored away neatly and compactly. Phew! I cannot tell you how much I enjoy the basement now. Ken and I go down in the evenings to work out, I can escape down there to do crafts or artwork while Russell us napping and, most importantly, I can easily find everything that I need when I need it. Thank you Momma Kearl! You are the best! Here are some terrible pictures of the finished product.

Most of our storage, we were able to fit conveniently under the stairs

I love having a basement! I know most of you don't really want to see pictures of this stuff - you want to see the rest of the house. Don't worry, those pictures are coming too. I just have to wait for a time when the house is all clean to take pictures, like when we're having company over or something. Hmm...in that case, you might have to wait a little bit...haha.

-J

Pitiful Poster

2011-02-23T11:20:00.000-08:00

So...I've gotten super lazy with my blog posts. However, Ken and I just bought and moved into a HOUSE! So, I have some projects in mind that hopefully I will remember to take pictures of and let you in on all the fun! In the mean time, here's a pic of my sleeping beauty. If I fell asleep like that, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be able to move when I woke up.

-J

Cell Phones and Education

2011-01-09T09:59:00.000-08:00

This holiday, I happened to be listening to a conversation between two educators about the prevalence of cell phones in schools. I thought they would complain about kids texting all the time and becoming insular; however, much to my surprise, nary a negative comment about cell phones was made. To be honest I was a little shocked to hear them describe how many teachers in their schools use cell phones to distribute pop quizzes. Apparently, there is a quiz program where once you begin the quiz on your cell, you are unable to navigate away from that page until you submit it to ensure that students aren't cheating by googling for answers. One of these educators also described how a particular teacher in her school texts her students if she sees that they are struggling with a particular concept. This way, the student isn't embarrassed in front of his/her peers and feels more comfortable "talking" to the teacher from the comfort of his own seat across the room. Moreover, if a topic is of particular interest to a student, he or she can google it on his/her cell and find media on the net that, if appropriate, can be shared with the class to improve upon their collective understanding. To give them the benefit of the doubt (although, it wasn't discussed afterwards) I am pretty sure these educators are also well aware of the negative effects of cell phone use.

Am I a dinosaur already? Are the days of "no cell phones in class" a thing of the past? I just don't quite know what to think about it. I guess distributing quizzes digitally would save paper and those without a cell could perform them the "old fashioned way;" and a student may improve scholastically if he or she can discuss things with as teacher in a way that is more comfortable via text message. It just feels weird. What do you think?

-J

Life Since Texas: an Overview

2010-11-24T10:48:00.000-08:00

In Texas today it is 24 degrees and here in Calgary it is -24 degrees. It's a good thing we have such wonderful friends and family to come back to otherwise we might have just stayed in Houston. Speaking of Houston, I never did post about our drive home or anything that has happened since so here are some highlights:

1) On our drive to Calgary we stopped at this crazy restaurant in Amarillo called the Big Texan Steak Ranch where they are famous purveyors of the "Free 72 oz Steak." I think "free" is a bit of a misnomer in that the steak is only free IF you can finish it along with a baked potato and salad in one hour. If not, you have to pay a dollar for every ounce (i.e. $72). I had no interest in eating a 4 pound hunk of meat so we steered clear of that vomit inducing entree; however, apparently there were/are some people out there who find this activity appealing, including a 69 year old grandmother (the oldest person to finish the meal) and 11 year old boy (who was the youngest to finish). The current champ happens to be a World Hot Dog Eating record breaker, who downed the vegetarian's nightmare in just under 9 minutes. Gross! Russell did look really cute in their complementary hat though and the reasonably portioned steak we ate was delicious.

The windmills that we drove by in Wyoming (at least I think it was Wyoming) were gorgeous. Yay for alternative energy!
2) We arrived safely in Calgary and started figuring out Halloween costumes. Russell already had a spider costume from last year so Ken and I made spider-web shirts and a web pumpkin to match.
3) Then came winter. Russell loves it...we do not! I didn't think I would complain about the cold since it was so incredibly hot in Houston but it is SO COLD!! And I reserve the right to complain about it as much as I desire. Brrrrr!
And that pretty much brings this nutshell up to date. Glad to be back.

Happy winter driving!

-J

Mexico and Matrimony

2010-10-18T13:50:00.000-07:00

This past week, our little family flew to Cancun, Mexico to attend the wedding of Ken's youngest sister, Donna's, wedding to a lovely young man named Darcy (does anyone else think of Pride and Prejudice when they hear the name, Darcy?). Anyways, between sunburns, tantrums (and I mean from Russell not Donna), naps, naps, naps and room invading centipedes, we were able to have a fantastic trip. The ocean was gorgeous, the snorkeling was awesome and the wedding was simply perfect. We couldn't be happier for Donna and Darcy and we're sure glad to have shared in the moment with such incredible friends and family. Although I will say that I never want to go on a "vacation" with a small child again haha! Now we need a vacation to recover from the vacation!

Aahhh...the beach was so relaxing...

...except when we were chasing this little rascal.

Donna being given away by her Dad - so beautiful

Cutting the cake...which, by the way was sooo delicious

The Conrad Mariachis

The very bold and friendly Coatis

I freaked out when I saw Russell almost touch one...eeek

The boys on the beach

Our sore feet...

and the jungle!

The wedding was supposed to take place on the beach but a class 2 hurricane ruined those plans. However, it was just as beautiful in the old Spanish chapel. It was fun but it sure feels good to be home!

-J

Park n' Play

2010-10-03T21:55:00.000-07:00

We had a perfect day at the park today. There was lots of running, chasing, sliding and discovering. For example, Russell chased some pigeons and discovered that they were not afraid of him in the least. It was so warm, it didn't feel like Fall at all.

- J

Reading List

2010-10-03T15:19:00.001-07:00

I have become very well-acquainted with the community library here so I thought I would share with you some of the books I've read thus far - the good, the bad and blah:

The Gravedigger's Daughter by Joyce Carol Oates - From the very beginning it was a very depressing book, although it did become more hopeful. The writing was excellent and the characters were interesting, but I'm on the fence on this one.
Host by Stephanie Myer - My beach companion. It was an easy, fun, science fiction read. The main character got a little annoying but, overall, enjoyable.
Women, Food and God by Geneen Roth - Oprah pressured me into reading this book and, although, it didn't exactly express anything new, it was insightful and interesting.
The Old Man and the Sea by Ernest Hemingway - It sort of reads like a poem or a parable. It has it's beauty but got a little tiresome. Good thing it was short.
Their Eyes Were Watching God by Zora Neale Hurston - Awesome! The dialect takes some getting used to but once you get into it, you can't get out.
The Dream of Scipio by Iain Pears - Woven plots lines, mystery and literary allusion = a great read. I don't think this book is for everyone but I loved it.
Slaughterhouse Five by Kurt Vonnegut - Not what I expected at all. An anti-war, science fiction novel with dry wit and dark comedy. Very, very good.
Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand - This book was so long but sooo powerful. It's great but you really have to commit to it because it's 1,168 pages long in small font!
On the Road by Jack Karouac - Sorry to all the beatniks out there but this was a snooze to me. I guess I'm just a traditionalist but I just couldn't get through this one. Why waste time on something you don't enjoy when there is a whole library full of books just waiting to be read. *finger snaps*.

What have you been reading? Any suggestions on what I should read next?

-J

Giveaway

2010-09-21T09:37:00.001-07:00

My very talented friend, Laura, just introduced a great giveaway on her blog where you could win one of these beautiful framed quilled monograms:

For information on how to enter the draw, just visit her site. Why not give it a go eh?

-J

A Little Bit of History

2010-09-19T12:47:00.000-07:00

Yesterday Ken, the boy and I headed over to the San Jacinto Battleground where Sam Houston and his Texan army (which as we learned, surprisingly, included some Canadians) defeated the army of the Mexican despot, Santa Ana. It was a pretty cool monument.

Russell liked climbing all of the stairs

The picture below was taken under much duress - we were being eaten alive by mosquitos

Then we were able to traipse all over the USS Texas, the only remaining American battleship - ahem "Dreadnought" - to survive both World Wars.

Russell rode the ammunition

The boys put on a gun show

Russell shot something!

And we even had a nap

I don't think I was cut out for the life of a Sailor. Just being in those cramped quarters for thirty minutes made me start to feel a little claustrophobic. Although the ship was equipped with it's own bakery, scullery, mess hall, canteen/five-and-dime, post office, barber shop, butchery, dental office, hospital and 50s soda shop. It was like as floating city! Not too shabby says I.

-J

Leaving

2010-09-10T09:17:00.000-07:00

I read this comic today...

...and I just laughed out loud because I think about that all the time. I guess I'm just a paranoid person haha.

-J

Wedding Party?

2010-08-30T10:11:00.000-07:00

The other day, we spent the afternoon at the park when we came across what we thought was a wedding party.

On closer inspection, we discovered that the "bride" looked much to young to be married; plus, she was wearing yellow. Finally, I realized that what we were looking at was a Quinceanera. I didn't know much about Quinceaneras but I was surprised grandeur of the display in the park. Enter Wikipedia:

A Quinceañera, Quince, Quinceañero or Quince años (English: "fifteen years"), is a coming of age ceremony held in some Latin Americancultures on a girl's fifteenth birthday, comparable to a Sweet Sixteen celebration. Usually the girl will wear a white dress but in more recent times she may wear a colored dress.

Planning begins up to a year in advance and requires the resources of several members of the family and friends. The family priest will perform a Quinceañera ceremony in a church. The girl's baptismal Godparents will oversee the spiritual celebration and her friends and relatives will attend to see the recognition she receives as she makes the transition from girl to young woman in everyone's eyes.

Quinceañera are comparable in scope and grandeur to weddings, and the party atmosphere that follows the somewhat more subdued religious atmosphere. There is a significant dress, just as with a wedding, and can be just as expensive and unique as a wedding gown. Flowers and decorations are selected to match the color scheme of the festivities, a reception is held at which guests will be served a meal and there will be dancing for all in attendance.

Well, that explains things, I suppose. Mom, Dad - you guys seriously cheaped out on my Sweet Sixteen Party!

-J

Race-car Driver

2010-08-10T10:04:00.000-07:00

There is a little play center in the mall that I frequent a block away from our apartment. I take Russell there all the time (because it's too hot to play/walk outside) and he has grown quite fond of the the cars - which makes Ken very happy. Whenever he climbs on top of one he always claps at his own achievement which I find hilarious.

Kids really are pretty entertaining!

-J

New Hair

2010-08-05T13:24:00.000-07:00

Hey y'all. It's been a long time since I've posted. I could say that I've had a lot going on because my life is so interesting and exciting; therefore, I simply had no time to fit blog posting in. But...that would be a big fat lie. Tangent: I've always been a little on the...ahem..."thick" side and when me and my sister played together growing up, every time she used the phrase "big fat" before something (i.e. "you're a big fat liar") I pretended to be personal offended by it to guilt her into letting me get my way. What can I say - manipulation works. Sorry Jenny. Okay, tangent over. Back to why I haven't been posting. Basically, I've been lazy. Plus, when you update your Facebook and write Family Newsletters to members of your family who aren't computer savvy enough to regularly follow a blog you get kind of tired of repeating yourself. That's why I'm posting a picture of my new big fat haircut. Then I will send this link in an email to said dinosauric (spell check is telling me this isn't a word but I beg to differ) family members so they can check it out too. Lame, isn't it?

Before...

After

Ken misses the long hair but I no longer miss the time wasted blow drying that thick mane. Besides, it's only hair - it will grow back and in this Texas heat less is more! Maybe you'll be hearing more from me but maybe you won't. That's how I roll.

-J

Russell The Tween Magnet

2010-07-05T14:11:00.001-07:00

Move over Edward and Jacob - you have some competition. For the past month or so here in Houston, Russell has elicited much attention from people of all ages. However, more recently he has been the subject of adoration for a plethora of tweenage girls. I have never before seen him fawned over, kissed, hugged, incessantly followed and even groomed by so many girls in my life. At the mall, at the grocery store and, conveniently, at the park, Russell has accrued a small army of happy helpers. I love it. I take advantage of any chance I can get of taking a break and these girls have been awesome. Sure, help my kid down the slide. Why not clean his messy hands with a wipe? Hmmm...I think I smell a number two; any takers? Going once, going twice and...sold to the prepubescent girl who obviously has malfunctioning olfactories! And to make matters better, Russell loves the extra attention. No he can't leap over trees or transform into a freaky canine but he's cute and needy which, apparently, is what all the girls are looking for. Hallelujah!

See Ya Later Alligator

2010-06-06T17:26:00.000-07:00

Yesterday we decided to check out the Texas back country and headed out to Brazos Bend State Park. We were lured by the promise of seeing Alligators in all of their bad bayou glory. We were not disappointed. It was a sweltering 38 degrees and, to be frank, I wasn't expecting to be impressed by the park but I was pleasantly surprised by how beautiful it actually was. Hanging moss, cranes, alligators, frogs, turtles, blue sky, canopy trees, buzzing insects and unusual vegetation made us feel like we were walking through some old Southern movie. All-in-all, it was a melt-your-skin-off great day.

A ten month old Gator Baby

Ken's favorite tree

The Bayou

Lurking Alligator

We have a video if an alligator that we got a lot closer to that I'll post later. It was pretty cool.

R.I.P. - Rest in PIECES!!!

2010-06-06T17:03:00.000-07:00

You know how there are big, scary bugs called cockroaches that live in Texas?? Well, yesterday when I went into Russell's bathroom, I turned on the light and sitting there on the counter-top by the sink was a big, fat roach the size of Russell's hand (I love to wax hyperbolic). EEEEEKKKKKK! I picked Russ up and instantly ran away from the bathroom screaming my lungs out!! Then, once I had calmed down a bit, I went and found the can of Raid and readied myself to enter the dragon's den. I opened the door with my foot and sure enough, there was roachzilla right where I had left him. I quickly sprayed the insecticide on him and he instantly went berserk. Man, cockroaches are fast!! And, of course, I slammed the door (as if that would contain it) and ran away screaming again. Russell had no idea what was going on but he didn't cry or anything. He just gave me this knowing look that said, "I always knew you were nuts." When I went back into the bathroom, the roach was nowhere in sight. I was completely paranoid the whole day though. I just kept thinking that cockroaches were lurking around every corner ready to scare the living crap out of me.

Fast forward to this morning. I'm getting my swimming stuff together to go to the pool and I need to go into the "roach bathroom" to get a swimming towel...ugh...awful. Anyway, I work up the courage, open the door, turn on the light and...phew...no roach by the sink. I grab a towel from the cupboard, turn around and....AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH...ROACH!!!! Roach on the wall right behind me now scurrying very quickly!!AAAAAHHHHHHH!!! I slam the door and run away. I quickly got my stuff together and got out of Dodge!! At the gym I swam 75 laps (Russell was in the child care center) and it was so relaxing because I didn't have to be paranoid aboutRoachzilla. I took my time at the gym because I wanted Ken to be home by the time I got home so he could be my knight in shining armor and kill the big, bad bug.

Fast forward to when Ken got home. I tell him my terrifying story (he hadn't seen the roach yet) and he peeks into the bathroom and sees in the mirror that the roach is still on the wall behind. He even got the shivers from it. So I tell him to trap it with the toilet plunger...haha...I know - great idea eh?? But it works and he traps it. Man, he's so amazing! But then what?? The roach was trapped but how could we get it out of the apartment and then kill it a thousand times?? So I went and got some cardboard and we slipped it under neath the plunger to trap Roachzilla. Phew it worked. Ken took it outside (while Russell and I hid in the house not wanting to be anywhere near the beast) lifted up the plunger and stomped on it a bunch of times. Man, those things are resilient. Finally, it was dead!! Then Ken took a picture of it so we could show people how big it was...bleh. The horror!

Don't judge me people. I'm a tough gal but when it comes to roaches...I turn on my Valley Girl and head for the hills.

P.S. That's a dime, just in cased you were wondering.

P.P.S. It looks a lot bigger when it's moving creepy fast.

Holocaust Museum

2010-05-22T12:15:00.000-07:00

Yesterday we drove to the Museum district of Houston and visited the Holocaust Museum there. Amid the large but somber groups of high school students, obviously there on a field trip, we slowly made our way around the exhibits. No stranger to World War II history, I knew what to expect and I knew that I would get emotional so I came prepared with tissues. We read the information boards about the Nazi Party's rise to power, Mein Kampf, the Nuremberg Laws, Kristallnacht and the Final Solution as we viewed various artifacts like the Star of David arm band, prison uniforms and denied emigration requests. We went inside one of the train cars that the Jewish people and other "non-desireables" were packed into in order to ship them to the concentration camps and read devastating but inspiring stories of loss and survival.

As though taking a cue from the atmosphere in the building, Russell remained relatively silent the whole time. He was so good and I actually held it together pretty well emotionally until we watched a film where Holocaust survivors who had relocated to Houston after the war told their stories. Most of them ended in "and that was the last time I saw him/her/them/ my baby/my my children/my husband" etc... It was incredibly heart breaking. I looked at Russell and imagined what I would do if someone ripped him away from me. I looked at Ken and imagined what it might feel like to be separated from him for so long and not even know if he was alive. Well, there was no way to hold back the tears after that.

It was a melancholy and solemn experience but definitely one worth having to be reminded of one of the darkest moments in human history in order to appreciate the blessings in my life.

P.S. I would have taken more pictures but we weren't allowed cameras inside the museum.

Texas Ho!

2010-05-10T12:52:00.000-07:00

Mt. Rushmore, South Dakota

The Devil's Tower, Wyoming

We are finally here!! We arrived yesterday afternoon to a hot and sweaty Houston. Fortunately, our apartment has some great air conditioning along with two bedrooms, two king sized beds and two en-suites...woot woot...not to mention a great little kitchen complete with dishwasher and washer and dryer. I know this may not seem like a big deal to a lot of you but to us it's awesome. Our balcony overlooks a beautiful little courtyard with a gazebo. Russell loves to play out on the balcony; he always tries to fit his little body through the bars. Thank goodness he's not that skinny...but he is VERY whiney! He's been drooling a river, complaining our ears off, has a fever and has a runny nose which can only mean one thing: he's teething again!! The horror!

It was a loooonnnnggg drive but still fun. We watched wild horses in Montana, visited the Devil's Tower National Monument in Wyoming, and waved hello to four famous presidents at Mt. Rushmore in South Dakota. We were bored by the agriculture in Nebraska, were detoured through Colorado (due to construction), hit 40 m/h winds in Kansas and were extremely annoyed by the loud roads in Oklahoma. Jane nearly had an apoplexy in Dallas as she attempted to navigate the snaking, confusing and furious traffic of the big city while Ken casually commented on the architecture and Russell screamed in the back seat. Finally, we rolled into a balmy Houston where we immediately acquainted ourselves with the nearest mall called "The Galleria" (so Jane could buy shorts), IKEA (to get Russ a high chair) and the closest Walmart (for everything else).

We think we can safely call this road trip a success. Jane didn't shoot Ken (although she does claim her right to bare arms as is the American way), Ken didn't throttle Jane and nobody harmed a hair on the head of the little screech owl (although we were tempted to strap his seat to the top of the car).

We are definitely looking forward to getting to know Houston better but we miss everyone back in Calgary too.

But...now I'm off to the pool sucka's!

Happy Birthday Russell-Pants!

2010-05-10T12:27:00.000-07:00

On April 29th my little boy turned 1 year old! I can't believe it. Where did the year go? He walks everywhere now, chats my ear off with wonderful nonsense, uproots everything that's not nailed down, collects objects and relocates them to secret places (which drives me nuts sometimes) and now refuses to let me feed him which has made meal time very, very messy!

We had a couple of parties for Russell with lots of family around and, more importantly, lots of cake n' icecream. Thank you to everyone who helped make Russy's birthday(s) tons of fun!

Trip Planning...Or Lack Of

2010-04-27T10:17:00.000-07:00

I hate trip planning. In fact, I despise it. Here is a list of things that I also dislike but would prefer doing instead of trip planning:

wash dishes, do laundry, go to the bank to get loonies in order to do laundry, change Russell's poopy diaper, read Samuel Richardson's Clarissa, watch Everybody Loves Raymond, take a cold shower, pour chalk dust on my hands, play with a spider, watch eye surgery, attend a lecture on moral relativism, listen to the soundtrack from There will be Blood, bake a pie, rub my fingertips on newspaper, know the answer to a question in my mind but be unable to access that answer because my child has made me stupid etc...

I think you get the idea. For those of you who enjoy trip planning - please, by all means - plan away! But don't get mad at your partner for not wanting to join in on all the "fun." Just because I don't want to plan doesn't mean I don't love you and that I don't care about the trip. I'm doing other things that you hate to do.

Phew...glad that's off my chest.

J

P.S. This post is about you, Ken.

Zoom, Zoom...Wuah, Wuah, Wuah

2010-04-20T08:52:00.000-07:00

I have had an awful realization: our car is the devil!! Or should I say Christine?? Do you remember that movie --"She's the Devil Incarnate. She's Christine. Body by Plymouth. Soul by Satan." Well, just swap Pontiac for Plymouth and you're bang on. Last summer the car broke down in Kamloops while we were on our way to Vancouver Island for our vacation and we had to fork out 2 grand in repairs. The clock display worked the first day we brought it home and hasn't worked since; I often cannot get my keys out of the ignition or switch the shifter from Park into Drive without some fancy fandangling and just the other day we took our car into the shop to be checked out before we drive (yes, I said drive) to Houston only to discover that in order for our car to be considered "safe," we would have to throw away 4,000 dollars - I repeat - 4,000 dollars!!! And that's not the end of it.

Yesterday, I was driving myself and my sister to the hospital to visit my cousin when the front left tire exploded!! Luckily I was close to a parking lot and was able to pull in without causing an accident but then I had to deal with changing the tire. This story gets funnier when you learn that I have never changed a tire before in my life. I've seen Ken do it before, though, and know how to do it in theory; however, I have never actually physically done it. So just to make sure I made my sister get out the instruction manual and read the instructions to me. Thankfully, a good Samaritan by the name of Thomas saw us and thought to himself, if they have to get out the instruction manual they must not know what they're doing. Thank you Thomas - you sweet, sweet man!! He had that donut on in 15 minutes and we were on our way. I'm pretty sure it would have taken my sister and I a good hour to get it done. El Diablo!!!! Lately, I've taken to cursing in Spanish so Russell can't understand me and it's all because of the Pontiac of putrescence. Bleh.

Now we are buying a new car!! Yay. I am so excited and it better treat me right or it's the wrecking yard. Anyone want a devil car??? It's cheap - power everything including free demon possession. Some cars are born bad.

J

She Ain't Heavy, She's My Sister

2010-04-13T09:04:00.000-07:00

I can't even imagine what it would feel like to be able to run, jump, swim, ride and hike for your entire life and then in one fell swoop - one tragic moment lose that ability indefinitely. How would I react? I have no idea. I can only hope that I would have the courage and determination that my best friend and dear cousin, Katie, has right now because, unfortunately, she has experienced that tragic moment; due to a freak ATV accident she has lost the ability to feel or move anything from her chest down.

It sounds trite and somewhat cliche but I really didn't believe it when my Aunt called me to tell me the news. No way. Her body's just in shock right now - she'll be able to move things perfectly in a few hours. But I guess that's not exactly the way a broken neck and extensive spinal cord damage works...unfortunately.

She was flown into emergency in the Foothills Hospital and, thankfully, I was able to spend the night with her there as her parents wouldn't be able to fly in until the next morning. She joked about how "awesome" it was that we would get to spend a lot of time together now and we chuckled over the fact the EMTs had to cut away her favorite shirt but at least she didn't have holes in her underwear because that would be soooo embarrassing. I held her hand until she was wheeled into the operating room to get some beautiful hardware installed in her neck to repair the fractures. Titanium plates and screws - the newest accessory for Spring was her last joke and I laughed and cried a little at her optimism.

The surgery went well and I am so incredibly happy to say that after surgery, a lung collapse, countless IV bags of dopamine, saline, albumin etc..., oxygen masks, arterial lines, central lines, intubation, respiratory therapy, "Moaning Myrtle" down the hall, low blood pressure, high blood pressure and many many prayers, Katie has taken some big steps on the road to recovery. It's been twelve days but, man, does it ever feel like that accident happened a lifetime ago.

I still believe in miracles - even the slow ones that you have to work like hell for. And every inch of me is pleading that she be one of that 10% that is able to walk again. But if not....well...I'm a very patient person and I think I can wear God down...hahaha!! Think you can help me out?

J

So Much Depends Upon a Red Wheelbarrow

2010-03-27T20:52:00.000-07:00

so much depends
upon
a red wheel
barrow
glazed with rain
water
beside the white
chickens
-William Carlos Williams

J

Abstract Painting

2010-03-25T12:24:00.000-07:00

One of my New Years Resolutions was to paint more because I used to paint all the time. So, for the last three months I have been doing a lot of abstract painting - extremely abstract. No brush, no paint, no canvas - I just think about it a lot...haha. Abstract, indeed! Finally, today I pulled out my kit and a practice canvas board and just painted. It was really nice. Russell was napping and I had to be quick so I didn't plan or do any rough sketches first - I just let my hand do whatever it wanted to do. I did not expect to create any grand masterpiece, and I definitely didn't, but it was relaxing to reconnect with an old hobby - like reuniting with a childhood friend. I'm already starting to think about what I'll do next. Russell, expect to be ignored in the very near future.

J

A New Love

2010-03-24T07:52:00.000-07:00

I have just recently discovered a television gem that has somehow eluded my notice for the last six months. It's a show on History Television (right there is a sign that it's gotta' be great) called Ancients Behaving Badly. It is an eight part series that applies a modern analytical approach to some of classical history's most infamous rulers. The show seeks to investigate historical figures like Nero, Julius Caesar and Genghis Khan and applies physical testing, archaeology and a modern knowledge of the sciences from toxicology to ballistics to re-appraise their lives in order separate fact from fiction. I have always loved history - even the boring parts - and this show consistently keeps me glued to the screen. So far I have seen episodes featuring Julius Caesar, Caligula, Hannibal and Attila the Hun but am greatly looking forward to Nero, Genghis Khan, Cleopatra and Alexander the Great. I am crossing my fingers that after they are finished with the more sinister Classical "bad boys (and girls)" that they'll move into the Middle Ages. Here's hoping!

J

Check Out Those Lashes!

2010-03-16T15:58:00.001-07:00

-J

Remember the Alamo!

2010-03-16T10:32:00.000-07:00

So it turns out that Ken, the goober and I are going to be heading off to Texas for six months at the beginning of May! Ken needs to go there, Houston that is, for work as part of his training rotation so, naturally, Russ and I are going along for the ride. I wasn't terribly fond of the idea at first but now I'm actually excited to go. It's only six months and it will be interesting to compare the differences/similarities between Calgary and Houston. I mean, it's not like we're going off to some far-off foreign country right?

Quotes I associate with Texas off the top of my head: "I'm an oil man;" "...black gold, Texas tea;" "Remember the Alamo!" "All my exes live in Texas...; "If I owned Texas and Hell, I'd rent out Texas and live in Hell;" "Everything's bigger in Texas;" "Saskatchewan is much like Texas except it's friendlier to the United States." That's all I can think of right now.

I'm sure I have a lot of misconceptions about that big ol' State but six months of living there should educate me. Plus, the apartment we're staying in has a dishwasher!!

-J

Idiosyncrasies

2010-03-04T09:29:00.000-08:00

I love getting to know more and more about my little guy's personality every day. As of late, his favorite sign of affection is touching his forehead to mine and then shaking his head back and forth so our foreheads rub together. I absolutely love it! Instead of kisses, which would be accompanied by a shower of saliva, I get a forehead massage.

I have also noticed a trend in his food preferences. Squash is the new carrot here at the Conrad house and Russ can't get enough of it. What a weirdling.

His favorite place to sit this week seems to be crouched underneath one of the kitchen chairs where he will then proceed to repeatedly hit his head against the underside of the chair above him while attempting to stand up. Intense whining ensues, wherein I rescue my afflicted son only to repeat the process ten minutes later. I am constantly saving my little dude in distress but that suits me just fine.

I wonder what he'll start doing next week? As long as he doesn't express an intense interest in manhandling the odorous contents of his diaper, I think we'll be just fine (knock on wood and cross your fingers).

J

Follow the Yellow Brick Road

2010-03-01T13:46:00.001-08:00

New Beginnings for the Young Women in my ward was on Saturday (I'm the YW President) and I am just so relieved it's over...haha. I had this "bright" idea about a month ago that for the event we could take pictures of the girls/leaders in Wizard of Oz costumes and then superimpose them onto different backgrounds, create a slide show, add some music and audio and that would be that. How hard could it be, right? Little did I know that it would take so much bloody work!!! For the last month it has been like a full time job putting together a 10 minute slide show!! In the end, it turned out pretty well and I received many compliments, which I needed, because I have to believe that all that work was worth it. It is long, so be prepared, but here it is:

J

Bienvenue Baby Sean

2010-02-24T17:49:00.001-08:00

I have a brand new baby nephew: Sean Lloyd Jensen. When I went to the hospital to check up on the little guy, I took one look at my sister, took a double take and thought "Holy crap! She doesn't look like she was hit by a bus at all - not even close to looking like she was hit by a bus! In fact, she looks...good!" I was amazed because after I had Russell, I looked like I had been circle beaten by a bunch of UFC champions, dropped off the side of a building, whereupon, I was impaled by a fence post! The fact that she looked "good" reassured me that perhaps the next time around (yes, I would do it again) might not be as physically taxing. Maybe it would only look like I was mowed down by a Smart Car. We'll see.

Anyways, baby Sean is as perfect as a baby can be and I had to remind myself not to call him Russell which made me want to have another baby to give Russell a cute little brother (or sister) which made me remember how I looked after I gave birth, which made me think better of the idea. Phew! It was a full circle moment. I guess what I'm trying to say is congratulations Jenny and Josh!!

J

Out With the Old

2010-02-24T14:19:00.001-08:00

Ken and I have just survived the "Great Purge." We both seemed to tire of the limited space in our closet at the same time and spent a Saturday accomplishing the long overdue task of sorting and chucking. How many striped sweaters can a guy have? Apparently, 15!! That he never wears...EVER! Not to be outdone by my husband, however, I too was guilty of hoarding an insane amount of clothing that I never wear probably because I can't fit into two thirds of it. It was sad and liberating to see it all go to good will. Good bye old friends; hello shopping!...I mean closet space.

J

2 Years

2010-02-16T07:12:00.000-08:00

Let me preface this post by saying that Ken is not a romantic. He does not plan ahead for special events; he does not whisper sweet nothings in my ear (unless they are dripping with sarcasm) and he does not surprise me with...well...anything. He is a scientist, an introvert, and...a robot...haha just kidding!

That being said, yesterday was our 2 year Anniversary and I knew that I wasn't going to wake up to flowers or some sort of well thought out gift or surprise. So I had a surprise of my own up my sleeve. I found the perfect card to give to Ken and it read something like this:

Some girls need chocolates or presents to feel special on their Anniversary/ but all I need is YOU (because I have no other choice)/ Happy Anniversary!

I thought it was hilarious when I saw it in the store but, for some reason, Ken didn't find it nearly as amusing. And then I gave him a box of Purdy's chocolates, that he became very excited about eating, just to drive the irony home...haha.

It's true though - as corny and trite as it sounds - all I need is him. And that's exactly who I had that night when we had a three course dinner at the rotating 360 Restaurant in the Calgary Tower. The scenery was wonderful, the food was delicious but the company was far superior.

J

Life is a Song

2010-02-13T17:20:00.000-08:00

I've always loved Simon and Garfunkel's "Song for the Asking" but now that I'm married and have started a family I love it even more because it makes me think of them.

J

Did I Say Countdown?

2010-02-12T10:05:00.000-08:00

Umm...so...you know my last post where I said that I would be posting something romantic every day as a countdown to my Anniversary? Well...what I really meant was that I may or may not post something every day. Phew...glad that's cleared up. Anyways, I guess I'll tell you about the first time Ken told me he loved me. It was VERY romantic!

(Jane and Ken cuddling on the couch in comfortable silence until...)

Ken: You know, Jane, I like you a lot. -Long Pause-. One might even say that I love you.

Jane: (Short Pause) Well, one might even say that I love you back.

Ken: Might? I knew I liked you more. -Big smile-.

To this day, he is so proud of himself for that moment. However, although he might have said "I love you" first, I kissed him first and got the ball rolling so there!

J

Countdown to Valentine's Day

2010-02-10T12:33:00.000-08:00

I have never been, nor am I now, a great celebrator of Valentine's Day. However, since my Wedding Anniversary falls on February 15th, the day after Valentine's Day, we celebrate both simultaneously. I like it because it makes Valentine's Day seem more trivial which makes our Anniversary all that more the focus. I hope that makes sense to everyone else who doesn't share my sometimes wonky sense of logic. Anyways, I thought I would share a brief anecdote or comic or quote every day until V-Day which, in a way, is really a countdown to my Anniversary.

J

Fire and Ice

2010-02-09T14:03:00.000-08:00

We finally went skating with Russ yesterday and he absolutely loved it! I thought he would get too cold with the wind whipping by on the ice but the boy is immune to the cold. Afterward, we went home to some hot chocolate (Russ had warm formula) and a movie. It was a perfect evening! This whole motherhood thing isn't so bad. I may even like it...but shhh...don't tell Russ.

J

Analyze This

2010-02-04T21:52:00.001-08:00

Every so often I experience a reoccurring dream where I attend my own funeral. I float above myself and watch all the important people in my life grieve together and say wonderful things about me. When I woke up I would joke to myself that all I had to do to get people to compliment me was die! Just kidding...but that would totally be an extreme way to fish for compliments. Anyway, today I was bored and decided to look up on the internet what my dream might mean. I came across a site that has this to say about it:

To dream of your own death, indicates a transitional phase in your life. You are becoming more enlightened or spiritual. Alternatively, you are trying desperately to escape the demands of your daily life.

I don't think I'm "desperately trying to escape the demands of my daily life;" however, I do think that perhaps I am becoming a little more spiritual, or at the very least, more introspective. For example, the other day I was doing some Yoga (Ken got me a DVD for Christmas) and usually I'm too busy trying to get the position right or trying to focus on my breathing to really get anything spiritual out of it but this time when the end of the session neared and I was breathing correctly and I was listening to the instructor talk about being grateful and letting go of all negative energy and filling your heart and mind with positive energy - I actually started to cry! It was kind of strange but kind of awesome at the same time. Anyways, I hope that my dream is indicative of this type of spiritual growth and not the other interpretation. Who knows...maybe I'm subconsciously repressing my desperateness but if anyone tells me that I will deny, deny, deny!!!

J

Dishes Dilemma

2010-01-22T09:33:00.000-08:00

This comic is a true-to-life example of how Ken would react to any domestic obligation.

Enjoy,

J

P.S. Of course, I would never use such language.

Passing the Torch

2010-01-19T11:52:00.000-08:00

I'm not a very "Rah-Rah! The Olympics are Awesome!" type of girl; however, Russ and I were able to get out today and watch the passing of the Olympic Torch. It helped that we only had to walk two houses over in order to see everything. Russ had a great time shaking his little Vancouver 2010 tambourine but was, otherwise, unimpressed with the festivities. Typical.

Go Canada!

-J

Best Line of the Day

2010-01-14T15:11:00.000-08:00

Today while I was waiting to pick my sister up from her doctor's appointment, I drove to the nearest gas station to refill the windshield wiper fluid (a must in this type of weather). Somewhere between buying the fluid, popping the hood, taking ten minutes to find the stupid latch that let me lift the hood up and refilling, I lost the fob on my key chain that locks and unlocks the car. I still had my keys because, not long after, I drove away; but somehow, unbeknown to me, the fob came off. However, I only realized this fact after I had picked my sister up.

So I retraced my steps and drove back to the gas station. While my eyes were peeled to the ground, a young UPS delivery man came out of the convenience store and asked if I was looking for something. I told him my story and then he surprised me by delivering the best, and might I add, extremely well timed pick-up line which, I must admit, made me blush: "Awww...I thought you might be looking for me because I was sure looking for you!" He must not have seen my baby in the back seat. Tinted windows.

I found the fob later in Russell's car seat.

-J

New Years Resolutions

2010-01-07T12:11:00.000-08:00

1. Start drawing and painting again. There was a time in my life where my sketchbook was never too far away from me, but, alas, I don't think I've drawn or planned anything in it for a couple of years now.

2. Exercise for an hour every day. Before my surgery, I got into a really good running routine and would like to re-establish that routine and maybe change it up a bit by adding some yoga.

3. Experiment with new recipes to make things more interesting in the kitchen. I have to admit that I cook at a very rudimentary level and would love to learn how to love it and get excited about tasty, healthy and varied food choices.

4. Make date nights more creative and fun but cheap. Dinner and a movie is great but it does get a little old. I'll definitely have to do a lot more planning and research. Perhaps you guys have some ideas?

5. Serve and get to know other people more. I'm the Young Women's leader in my church and I'm a stay-at-home Mom which can become a little isolating if you let it and I think I have definitely alienated myself a bit from getting to know and serve other people outside of my small, but still important, social sphere. You can never have too many friends, right?

I'll let you know how it goes. Good luck with your resolutions!

J

Russell's first Christmas!

2010-01-07T11:59:00.000-08:00

Tic Tac Toe Bite

2009-12-31T17:13:00.000-08:00

Over the past two weeks Russell has digressed to his former role as the fussy super villain whose sole goal is to bring down the powers of righteous peace and quiet and kill any already limited spare time that I have. Plus, he's decided that a scheduled nap time just isn't his cup of tea anymore and could I please just hold him while he plays with his toys because the ground is all of a sudden too hard for his delicate baby backside! I didn't know what his problem was - all I knew is that something was rotten in the state of Conrad.

Then we were over at my sister-in-law's place for Christmas Eve where we played a marathon of Rook and Hearts and Russell army-crawled around the distance to the moon and back. He decided that it might be a good idea to crawl underneath the table and bite his Grandmother on the toe. As it turns out, it was a good idea because that is how we found out that dear, dear little Russ had just cut his very first tooth and he left a mark on Granny's toe to prove it. So that was what all the torturing Mommy and Daddy was about? Getting a tooth? Try getting your braces tightened or, better yet, your gall bladder removed!! It's a good thing that Mommy doesn't over-react like you do or Daddy would have moved out right after you were born!

Anyways, he has teeth which means he is more a toddler and less a baby which means he's growing up and he's doing it too fast!!

Happy New Year everyone! Enjoy those little "spots of time" where the clock pauses and you are able to appreciate just how blessed your own life really is.

J

And Then There Were 77...Organs That is

2009-12-16T14:33:00.000-08:00

My gall bladder is gone and I have four holes in my stomach to prove it! Unfortunately, they did not let me keep it or even take a picture of the pesky appendage. Everything went well though - at least as well as can been expected - and for the last few days I have felt like absolute crap! Nevertheless, I am alive and semi-well.

The only time I got scared was when they wheeled me into the O.R. and I had to let go of Ken's hand as he wasn't allowed to accompany me in. I saw those big lights overhead - people in scrubs busied themselves preparing this and that for the surgery and I thought to myself "what if I fall asleep and just never wake up?" I wasn't able to freak myself out for too long though because soon after and, without warning, the anesthetist sent me whirling into oblivion. Afterwards, Ken told me that when they started to wheel me away, the same worry invaded his thoughts and he felt the sudden urge to run after me. But...I woke up...so phew!

And soon I shall return to a normal but gall-bladderless existence a little wiser, a little lighter perhaps, and a little more grateful.

J

One Organ Short of a Full Set

2009-12-09T09:30:00.001-08:00

Tomorrow I am finally going into surgery to get my gall bladder removed. So far, I haven't really been nervous about it but that's because I try not to think about it too often. It's a fairly simple surgery and, apparantly, the surgeon I have has done it many, many times. That all sounds great and I was feeling fine about everything until this morning when I made the mistake of watching a video of the surgery on YouTube (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ycvwAfx3yF0&feature=related) - don't you just love the music? It's pretty cool how they can just go in with two little tube-like tools and remove it without opening me up but it's also disgusting and nauseating to watch so beware. Wish me luck!

-J

Move over Men

2009-12-04T10:26:00.000-08:00

Lately, as I've been out and about with Russell on walks or in shopping malls, I've made a very frustrating observation: the men are not moving. Let me explain.

In one instance I was walking on the right side of the sidewalk and a couple of men were walking towards me going in the opposite direction. Neither of them made any attempt to move over for the mother and her baby but kept walking straight as if I wasn't there. Out of curiosity for what might happen, I stayed the course as well and the man closest to me ended up bumping into the stroller with a grunt. He gave me a look like "how dare you take up my space." In that instant I secretly had the desire to mow him over completely. Is stepping down off the curb such a sacrifice??!!

On another occasion, I was shopping in the mall and Russ was just having an "I'm hungry so feed me right now or I'll keep screaming in your face!" type of fit. So I looked around for a seating area so I could make him a bottle. I'm not joking, in every single area a single man sat in the middle of the bench with arms and legs outstretched as though claiming the area entirely. Finally, unable to find any free space, I just sat down beside one of them; I was sitting so close, because the punk wouldn't move, that it looked as though he had his arm around me. Yet still he held his ground and looked as though he was about to get up at any moment to pee all over the bench to mark his territory!!

I sure hope this isn't a trend among male strangers out there who have formed some sort of "say no to motion" unspoken agreement signaled by hormones or pheromones or secret hand shakes or who knows what. Tis the season to move over, okay? Like Nike says, "Just do it."

J

Tis the Season

2009-12-02T13:45:00.001-08:00

It took a lot of self control for me to wait until December to start decorating for the holiday season. Finally, December arrived and, voila, it's Christmas with the Conrads. Now all I have to do is finish making Russell's stocking.

J

P.S. I love the holiday fireplace channel!

The Curious Case of Russell Conrad

2009-11-27T14:55:00.000-08:00

In my opinion, there are many things that Russell resembles: some sort of elf a-kin to Yoda or Dobby, Ken, or an 85 year old man. This pictures really brings out the latter in him don't you think? Too bad we didn't have a cane handy.

J

Catching Up

2009-11-26T15:23:00.000-08:00

Today I talked to a friend that I haven't seen or talked to in years. It reminded me of the time he and my sister were in charge of the decorations for a Stake Youth activity (I was 14 and they were 16 at the time) and I volunteered to help them paint murals in my parent's garage. I flirted shamelessly with him and we soon became distracted by my great grandfather's wheel chair that was being stored there. He wheeled me down to the park where we lay in waiting for some unsuspecting passers-by to take advantage of. Then he pushed me down a great big muddy hill, pretending all along that he lost control of the wheel chair. I played my part perfectly and flew from the wheel chair (that was real), landing in a gross mud puddle at the bottom and faked that I couldn't move my legs. The joke became less funny when the couple we were "duping," genuinely concerned, ran down the hill to help me up. Rather than admit that we had played a joke on them, I continued to keep up the charade and let them help me back into the wheel chair. You would think that we might feel a little shame after that but...no...we just did it again to another couple but this time I pushed him down the hill. Awww...so stupid. We laughed and laughed and I had the hugest crush on him.

"The young are permanently in a state resembling intoxication." - Aristotle

J

The Mediocre Loser

2009-11-23T11:03:00.001-08:00

There are some very fortunate women out there (a.k.a. freaks of nature) who snap back from having kids like a rubber band to their svelte pre-pregnant bodies. I,too, am like a rubber band but more like one of those bands that has been stretched around a dusty file folder for too long, is all dried out and won't go back to its former shape no matter how much you want it to. No, I am not one of "those" women. However, I do happen to know a few and when I think of them I get all bitter inside.

Therefore, I shall not dwell on how blessed they are but shall celebrate my own successes as fully distinguished and separate. Which leads me to announce that after 6 weeks of healthy eating and exercise I have reached my first milestone: I have lost 12 lbs!! I know, it's not all that impressive. The weight is coming off slowly but it's coming off. Only 30 more lbs to go...ugh. Man, I feel like a burger.

J

Modesty Patch

2009-11-18T17:01:00.000-08:00

This laundry room sink has seen many a naked baby and they all come out of it smelling like lavender. Maybe that's why Russ is smiling so wide; he likes smelling like flowers.

J

My Husband's Brain

2009-11-17T09:50:00.000-08:00

Just insert "Ken" where "Scientist" is. J

Jingle All the Way

2009-11-16T11:38:00.000-08:00

Yesterday my mother-in-law, my sister-in-law and myself participated in the Jingle Bell Walk/Run for Arthritis in Heritage Park. It was a pretty cold morning but it was great to get out, get active, have fun with the girls and support a worthy cause at the same time. I forgot my Santa Clause hat but was supplied with an ample amount of bells to tie to myself. It was festive but boy did hearing those bells get old. Next time, if there is a next time, I will not forget the hat.

The Kearls: a.k.a. "The Hippies"

2009-11-16T11:18:00.000-08:00

The older I get, the more and more I appreciate the relationships I have nurtured, and will continue to nurture, with family. I also think we start to look a lot more alike - a phenomena that the girls in the family all took note of recently.

Last week Russell experienced his first plane ride to Langley to visit his BC relatives - or "hippy" relatives as Ken likes to call them. They aren't especially liberal; in fact, they are quite conservative. However, Ken thinks anyone from BC is a hippy...haha...so I guess that makes me one to. I'm okay with that. Russ was a very good flier! He immediately fell asleep when the plane started moving and didn't wake up until the plane touched the ground again. It was great.

We were in Langley for four very eventful days of birthday parties, baby showers, marathon chats and Rook matches. It was great to be back in the comforting and welcoming arms of "home" but it's even better being back in the new home I have helped to create with my own growing family. I sure do have a great template though.

It's a Bird, It's a Plane. No - it's...a Crayon?

2009-11-08T13:14:00.001-08:00

Who knew that a baby dressed up as a crayon could be so cute?? Seriously, this kid is so my hero!

The Snotacoughaclingasaurus!

2009-11-04T16:03:00.000-08:00

Russ has a COLD! And in true male fashion, his reaction to being sick is hugely disproportionate to the severity of his sickness. My goodness, the boy is a stage 5 clinger. At first I thought it was really cute because he doesn't often like to cuddle for long periods of time but now, as I sit here in the pajamas that I haven't taken off yet with sneeze juice all over them and tissues and burp cloths tossed in various places because my son SCREAMS like I just pulled out every one of his nose hairs with tweezers when I put him down, I have realized it is definitely not cute. I have not yet reached the stage where I just need to put my disease-riddled child down yet and leave the room for his own safety because Mommy is going insane; however, I can definitely see how it could go in that direction. Let's just hope he gets better soon. Even now as I'm typing with sicko-baby in my lap, he's making these pitiful whining/wheezy noises. Poor Russ! And poor Mommy!

J

Caricature Ken

2009-11-04T11:44:00.000-08:00

Last night Ken went to a Young Men's activity where they were taught how to draw caricatures of one another. He showed me all the pictures they drew and I was pretty impressed. So I asked him to share what he learned with me and we had a little portrait session at the kitchen table. He refused to draw me because apparently he was told to never attempt such a thing because he might offend me and then obviously the fallout would be divorce. Because I couldn't convince him in any way shape or form to draw me, I decided to draw him. Amazingly, my efforts did not result in a legal separation so I guess I did an acceptable job.

Why?

2009-10-22T11:57:00.000-07:00

I do not often dwell on the shortsighted (a.k.a. stupid) things people do because I, myself, am so often a victim of stupidity. However, this particular incidence has been simmering in my mind for the past week just begging to be vented about. Thus, vent I shall...and perhaps ramble a bit.

Last week we packed up Russ and headed over to Balzac to check out the new mall in Calgary, Cross Iron Mills. I know, it's not the most creative activity we've ever come up with but, being short on ideas and desperate to escape boredom, we decided to see for ourselves what all the hype was about. It turned out to be exactly what we thought it would be: a bigger and shinier than usual, but somewhat unspecial, run of the mill mall (haha...did you catch the pun? Mill?). I mean, how impressive can a mall get - it's still a mall!

After an hour was spent walking through the entire thing, I started to get that I'm grumpy because I'm in a mall and there's something about mall lighting that gives me a headache and man, I can't stand being in shopping malls with crowds this long for no particular purpose and even saying the word "mall" so many times makes me anxious feeling. To be short, we quickly exited the building to breath a sigh of relief in the nippy fresh air outside....aaahhh. However, my relief was to be short lived.

As we walked through the parking lot to find our car, I observed a young couple emerging from their newly parked vehicle. I don't often stare at people but that woman was quite possibly one of the most beautiful women I have ever seen with long, flowing dark hair and big, thick-lashed blue eyes with a body that even extreme pilates-goers would kill for. She started walking towards the mall but then stopped suddenly mid-stride, held her own hair back and spit a gorilla sized wad of pink gum onto the cement with a "blech." She must have stuffed a whole pack of Hubba Bubba in her mouth to come up with a clod that big! The juxtaposition was jarring. And just two feet away from her was a garbage can! She then continued merrily on her perfect little way. I turned in disgust from the scene to strap Russ into his car seat, when my attention was diverted by a yelp. I turned back to find a poor man trying to pry his shoe from the sticky pink mass.

Lesson: Throw your gum in the trash...or even swallow it. I don't care if it stays in your digestive system for seven years as long as it doesn't stay on my shoe for seven days. No wonder chewing gum is illegal in Dubai!!

J

Avatars

2009-10-16T20:25:00.000-07:00

I found this program (http://home.mywebface.com/faceApp/) where you can create your own little cartoon doppelganger. I know, it's pretty much a waste of time but, seriously, I'm at home all day with the wee babe - I have time! So I made a cartoon version of me and Ken. It was actually harder than I thought to capture our likenesses but voila. Do you think they look similar??

Sugar Snaps

2009-10-16T08:58:00.000-07:00

If any of you have ever admired the pictures I post here it's probably because they were taken by my very talented sister-in-law, Karen. She's great with kids, babies, weddings and family photo shoots. Keep her in mind if you're ever interested in getting pictures taken for any occasion. Check out her website if you're thinking about it : http://www.wix.com/karenhudson/SugarSnaps-Final

The fall of Fall

2009-10-14T11:39:00.000-07:00

Unfortunately, Autumn in Calgary this year seems to be short lived - pushed aside by that bully of a season that is Winter. It makes me sad because there are so many things I love about this time of the year: the beautiful shades of color that appear on the leaves and gracefully descend from the branches; the crispness in the air that hasn't yet evolved into the bite of Winter and that all-too-satisfying and nostalgic crunch of leaves underfoot. Aah...oh well...it was beautiful while it lasted.

Thankfully, Russ and I were able to get out and digitally document this blink of a season, filled with colour, cool air and yummy turkey. I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving!

Better Than a Hamster Wheel

2009-09-28T20:57:00.000-07:00

About a month ago, Ken and I purchased a brand new treadmill with a little financial assistance from the folks. And what I mean by "folks" is my ever-so ready to help you get thin and out of your maternity clothes that you've been wearing ever since you had a baby five months ago mother. Although the concept of being "thin" is somewhat abstract and foreign to me I have, in fact, been using the treadmill regularly and have discovered - or rather re-discovered - that I HATE running. I love the idea of running but the actual running part pretty much sucks.

The first time I decided to use that torturous conveyor belt I felt as though my body was not my own. I could have sworn my legs used to work properly and that at one point in my life running didn't cause my lungs to spontaneously combust. It was utterly and unequivocally pathetic. However, I am proud to say that after running for 30 minutes three times a week for the last month, my performance has improved dramatically even if my attitude towards running hasn't.

The one great thing about a treadmill is that it keeps you moving whether you want to or not; all you have to do is stay on. Maybe one day I will come to love running. Okay, probably not. Love? No. But tolerate? It's possible. One can only hope. Wish me luck (because I need it)!

J

But Where Are his Powers?

2009-09-24T09:30:00.000-07:00

My family has taken quite a liking to calling my four and a half month old son "Dobby." At first, I was not so kean about this playful teasing, but now I kind of get it. There IS a slight resemblance. You be the judge.

A Glee Gush

2009-09-23T22:20:00.000-07:00

In highschool I was the typical jock who didn't really stray far from the gymnasium. I had found my adolescent niche, I was good at what I did and I was well-liked by my peers. Though it wasn't the highlight of my existence, I loved highschool. It was easy and fun. However, I have but one regret: why, oh why did I not mix sweat with solos - volleyball with vocal - deaks with dance - homeruns with harmony - jockism with jazz hands?!? Because I would have looked absolutely ridiculous, that's why. But I would have loved every minute of it! Just like I love every minute of watching my new favorite show, GLEE. Hurray for vicarious living...in the past. Did that make sense?

J

Finding the Right Fit

2009-09-23T22:03:00.000-07:00

Ever since we got married, Ken has, almost without fail, checked the listings on realtor.ca to browse through his dream houses. I, on the other hand, thought that such an activity was merely wishful thinking and somewhat futile, considering that we wouldn't be in the market for a house for at least a couple of years. So why get excited about something you know you can't buy? It's as frustrating as window shopping - man, do I hate window shopping!

However, just recently Ken and I have started to look into buying our first home and I can't tell you how incredibly obsessive compulsive I have become about checking the listings. The possibilities are definitely not endless - we only have so much money to spend - but I now love looking at all the pictures and imagining what furniture would go where and what colour I would paint the walls. It brings up a lot of questions though because before, I never really thought about what exactly I wanted because I saw owning a house as something so far away from the present. So now I have to ask myself all these questions: should we sacrifice square footage for location? Should we invest in sweat equity or go for something that wouldn't require much work? Is a garage more important than yard space? Attached, detached, semi-detached? Basement suite? 3 bedrooms or 4? How many kids do I think I'm going to have anyway?! And mortgages - the mind boggles!

It will probably take us another year just to figure out what we want. Maybe window shopping isn't so bad after all - as long as it's for houses.

Marriage: a competition?

2009-09-23T16:46:00.000-07:00

One thing that you need to know about me and Ken is that we are both very competitive people. This personality trait is quite an advantage when we are on the same team/page but when we aren't...well, let's just say that things can get quite "colorful."

Most of the time our competitive constitutions center around who is right and who is an idiot. Examples of this "friendly fire" vary from things as important as whose family should our kid(s) go to if we die? to things as unimportant as who has the most accurate finger flicking aim in croquenot? And while the majority of our banter is, indeed, benign - it can, on occasion take on a more fiendish aspect that results in wounded pride or sore ribs (from the mother of all evils: poking attacks!). Consequently, on "one of those days" a venerable amount of our pillow talk time can be taken up apologizing and laughing about how stupid we are...haha.

You know what, though? I would rather remain in a repartee with Ken for eternity than spend a lifetime getting along perfectly with anyone else. Feel free to gag, scoff and/or mock but the fact remains that even when we attempt to refute and retaliate, defend and disprove - in the end, we always let our relationship win. And that will now, and forever, make all the difference.

The Test

2009-08-11T11:15:00.000-07:00

I haven't really done any considerable or cardiovascular intensive activities since I first became pregnant a little over a year ago. So when Ken suggested that we do a hike in Banff on Saturday, I was a little hesitant to even attempt it considering my poor conditioning. However, with a little cajoling from him and a goal in mind, we set out for Johnston Canyon with little Russ in tow.

I don't know why but I felt that it was my duty as a mother to carry my 12.5lb son all 6.5k up and all 6.5 k down the trail strapped to my chest. It was a compulsion that I can't quite explain - almost like a natural instinct. Mothers for centuries have worked in the fields or in the house with babies strapped to their backs or hips so it seemed to me more like an honor to entangle myself in the tradition. That was before we started the hike.

I soon discovered that an extra 12.5lbs added to the extra pounds I was already carrying made quite a difference but I was determined to make it the whole way without complaint and be happy about it. I can't say that I was happy the entire way and my romanticized vision of motherly tradition became somewhat altered , to say the least (Ken will probably carry the baby next time...haha), but I didn't complain and the hike was beautiful. I was also quite pleased that I had exceeded Ken's expectations. Although he didn't say it, I'm pretty sure he thought I would only make it to the upper falls and then give up before the "ink pots". Take that, Ken! I went double the distance and carrying a baby to boot! I don't want to boast or anything, but I was pretty awesome.

And, thus, baby Russ completed his first hike ever without even killing his mother.

My Little Smiler

2009-07-17T10:07:00.000-07:00

I just love that Russell smiles all the time now and the other day he actually laughed! A baby laugh is just the most adorable thing in the world.

Sick and Tired of Being Sick and Tired

2009-07-13T18:22:00.000-07:00

About a month ago I woke up suddenly in the middle of the night expecting to see my stomach slashed and all of my vitals organs lying nicely in a steaming pile on the floor. Fortunately, no such event occurred. However, the excruciating pain emanating from some unknown place in my abdomen had led me to believe that I had been the first victim in a B-list slasher flick. I rushed myself to the hospital, was admitted to emergency and, after blood and urine tests, then later an ultrasound, discovered that, no, I had not somehow unwittingly swallowed shards of glass, I had gall stones. Apparently, during pregnancy, my Godzilla-sized uterus managed to cause build up in my bile duct.

I was relieved to know what was wrong but have since suffered several more excruciating attacks which have prompted more trips to emergency just to make the pain go away. THEN about two weeks ago, I started to get incredibly lethargic and discovered at a doctor's appointment that I was jaundiced. The gall stones were now starting to interfere with my liver function causing increased billirubin levels. THEN my entire body started to itch like it was entirely covered in mosquito bites (another symptom of a liver function problem). THEN, I became nauseous.

The only cure for gall stones is to remove the gall bladder entirely and, frankly, I am all for that if it means I can feel normal again. GET THAT MUTHA'-TRUCKA' OUT OF ME! I have an appointment with the surgeon this Wednesday so, if all goes well, I'll have a surgery booked pretty soon and can finally get my life back. We'll see.

J

15 Books in 15 Minutes

2009-06-26T08:07:00.001-07:00

Laura posted this in her latest blog and I thought I would carry the torch.

The instructions are to come up with 15 books in no more than 15 mintues that have stuck with you, for better for for worse. Here is my list, feel free to post your own:

1. A Dog Called Kitty - Bill Wallace (My favorite book in grade 4)
2. Treasure Island - Robert Louis Stevenson
3. The Chronicles of Narnia series - C.S. Lewis
4. Mother West Wind Why and How Stories - Thornton W. Burgess (My father read these to me before bed as a child. Sentimentally awesome)
5. Children of the Promise series - Dean Hughes ( a Mormon series set in WW II)
6. East of Eden - John Steinbeck (I don't know who can beat this kind of story-telling)
7. An Instance of the Fingerpost - Ian Pears (a loooong but interesting murder mystery as told by four very unreliable narrators that also describes scientific thought in Restoration Europe. It entertains to teach.)
8. The Alchemist - Paulo Coelho (a spiritual allegory)
9. The Outsider - Albert Camus (the epitome of existentialism)
10. To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee
11. Green Grass, Running Water - Thomas King (formatted to represent Native American oral story telling. Quite interesting and hilarious.)
12. Les Miserables - Victor Hugo (One of the most moving books I've ever read)
13. Dune series - Frank Herbert (a science fiction metaphor for the politics and religious extremism surrounding the middle east and its natural resources)
14. The Fall of a Titan - Igor Gouzenko (Oh how the mighty hath fallen! An extremely powerful cautionary tale of moral descent set in Communist Russia)
15. Wild Geese - Martha Ostenso (A poignant take of Canadian prairie isolationism)

Like Laura, I would also love to read your lists. Sometimes it's funny what sticks with us.

J

When He Grows Up...

2009-06-13T11:31:00.000-07:00

As little kids, and even into our teenage years, I think we all remember thinking or saying "When I grow up I'm going to be a...". Well now I find myself thinking about my own little baby. What sport is he going to play if any? What things is he going to take an interest in? Is he going to be a number crunching, logistical super geek like his Dad or a passionate, arts loving, literature buff like his Mom? Maybe both. Maybe neither. All I know is that whatever this little boy of mine decides he wants to do, I will always be one proud mother...unless what he wants to do is sniff glue or hold a Guiness World Record for the most amount of hair plucked out of an individual by a pair of tweezers. My son, "the hairless wonder." It has a nice ring to it, don't you think?

Characters Worth Remembering

2009-06-03T13:51:00.000-07:00

I'm an English major, which means I've read a lot of books in my day. Therefore, last night as I held my darling baby in my arms and tried to block out his cantankerous caterwauls, a random question entered my mind: out of all the literature I've ever read, what five characters are my favorite and why? It was difficult to whittle it down (and I have more favorites) but here it is:

1. MAX from Where the Wild Thing Are by Maurice Sendak. This was one of my favorite books as a child. I have always been a bit of a tom-boy but at one point in my childhood I actually fancied myself a boy and would run around with my shirt off swinging one of my father's socks around with a tennis ball in the end. So when I read this story about a boy who was sent to his room for chasing his dog with a fork and growling at his Mom while wearing a wolf costume only to be transported to the land of the Wild Things where he eventually becomes King - well, what mischief making child wouldn't dream of such an adventure??

2. JIM HAWKINS from Treasure Island by Robert Louis Stevenson. I've read this book about ten times and it still doesn't get old. Pirates, buried treasure, sword play, treachery, and triumph. These are the perfect ingredients to inspire a child's imagination. Did I mention there are pirates? Are we seeing a theme yet? Child empowerment anyone?

3. ALGERNON ("ALGY") MONCRIEFF from The Importance of Being Earnest by Oscar Wilde. Although he's a spoiled London aristocrat, he's just so incredibly witty and hilarious that his immoral and pretentious sensibilities seem like more of a virtue than a vice. I've always admired wit and being able to say exactly what you mean, when you mean to say it and in the cleverest way possible.

4. ELIZABETH BENNET from Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austin. I admire how Elizabeth is intelligent, witty and is able to stray (albeit slightly) from her society's expectations of her and still be rewarded for her deviation. Plus, I love how she is able to insult in a sophisticated way. If only I had that talent - not that I want to insult people.

5. SCOUT FINCH from To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee. Even though she's fictitious, I have such an admiration for this little girl - her spunk and tenacity - as well as her adamant loyalty to her father and his morals. Plus, she's a tom-boy just like I was. There is just such an innocent charm to her rationale and a charming naivete to her narrative.

I'm curious. What are your favorite fictitious characters from literature?

J

The Human EMP

2009-05-23T11:38:00.000-07:00

Electronics and me are like oil and water; bleach and ammonia; baking soda and vinegar. I'm sure there are a plethora of other comparisons to be made but the point is this: God thought it would be a great joke to make me a human electro-magnetic pulse. Why? Who knows. What I DO know is that 9 times out of 10 (this instant being that elusive but safe 10%) my dark gift is manifest in blinking blue screens of death on the computer, system failures, electric shocks, viruses, and all manner of mishaps that Ken blames on me for merely looking at an electronic device.

Perhaps one day we will discover a scientific explanation for all of this like my ability to generate electromagnetic forces that I can't yet control or something in my plasma that allows me to emit light energy blasts. Or maybe...those are just character descriptions from X-Men? I guess we'll never know. For now, keep your electronics hidden because who knows when I'll strike next!

And Then it Happened Some More

2009-05-20T12:49:00.000-07:00

When we got to the hospital we were instantly set up in a triage room. The nurse then had the audacity to ask, "Why are you here?" I knew she was just doing her job but, seriously, are you blind? I'M HAVING A FREAKING BABY! I didn't have the patience to answer any of her questions after she offended me with the first so I remained mute while Ken spoke for me. Meanwhile, down the hall, I could hear a group of nurses chatting and laughing (and quite loudly I might add) which only further kindled my anger. What is this? A party on the third floor PLC prenatal triage unit? Come on people. I am not laughing through this contraction, therefore, you shall not laugh...EVER. These were the type of thoughts running through my brain but I neither had the energy nor the focus to actually speak them out loud. I was preoccupied with other matters like willing my cervix to dilate as quickly as possible.

My Jedi skills must have worked because when the doctor finally came to check me I was 7cm dilated and I had only been in triage for 30 minutes! They asked me if I wanted an epidural but by the time I got to the labour and delivery room I was 8cm dilated so I decided to just go with the pain. Plus, there was no way I would be able to lean over and stay still while they shoved a needle down my back.

Don't think that Ken was doing nothing all that while. Well, actually, he was doing nothing, but that's only because I wouldn't let him touch me or talk to me. I barely even opened my eyes through the whole labour ( I found out afterwards when I looked in the mirror that this was because my eye lids were crazy swollen). However, he did serve as a good water and ice chip boy...which was much appreciated.

Finally the moment came: a 10cm dilation and the urge to push. I was so excited! Little did I know that I would be pushing for an hour and a half. I swear in all the movies, the girl gives like 5 good pushes and the baby's out. Was it so unrealistic to expect the same thing? Push after push the doctor kept saying, "You're almost there." By the 20th push I was convinced that she was a compulsive liar, that the baby's head wasn't "right there" and that they would soon have to suction my poor baby out of my lifeless body. But then, eureka, with one last push, the baby shot out (quite literally) and I was soon holding the most adorable blob of goo and amniotic fluid I had ever seen. After 6 1/2 hours of labour, 25 stitches and a plethora of broken blood vessels, Ken and I were gushing over the newest addition to the family. Introducing Russell Ross Conrad - lately pronounced "Wussell Woss". We're going to give our kid a speech impediment but, hey, he's alive...for now.

J

And Then it Happened

2009-05-20T08:56:00.000-07:00

Because I have just undergone a massive life-altering event (the birth of my first child), I find it necessary to chronicle the details of his emergence into the world. And so it begins...

I was due April 29th but had been told numerous times not to expect the baby to come on the actual due date as this was quite an improbablity; only something like 1% of deliveries take place when they are supposed to. Anyways, on the night of April 28th Ken and I settled in for a peaceful night's sleep that would soon prove to be not so peaceful. I experienced a strange dream where I would see myself from a bird's eye view in labour. That might not seem so strange but then throw me into a hospital bed in a meadow full of flowers on top of a mountain being watched by a purple Lynx and suddenly it gets a lot stranger. This dream reoccurred at least four times and on the fourth time, I began to feel this awful and uncomfortable tightening in my lower abdomen - and more precisley, my uterus. The feeling woke me up and at 4:17 am I soon realized that I was having contractions and they were already seven minutes apart!

I waited until I had four regular contractions before I turned to Ken, shook his shoulder and said, "Oh Kenny-boy, we're going to have a baby...like literally...and in the very near future." Normally, it would have taken my sleeping beauty a full five minutes to recover his senses, stretch, yawn, turn over onto his side and rub his eyes before waking from his slumber but this time he threw back the covers, instantly jumped out of bed and cried, "Are we ready? Do we have everything? How far part are the contractions?" while he rummaged around in the desk for a paper and pen to record the contraction times. At this point, the contractions were still light enough that my face was able to register my amusement.

Within an hour the contractions became closer and closer together and more and more uncomfortable until it was time to make that ancient and well-travelled journey: the trek to the hospital.

...to be continued...

-J

Craving

2009-04-16T19:28:00.000-07:00

Just a moment ago I felt the great need to devour a piece of creamy, delicious chocolate and absant-mindedly expressed this desire to my husband, who wisely (and curtly) responded like so: "But we just had dinner. If you're still hungry, have an apple or something." Oh Ken, you just don't understand. One does not eat chocolate because one is hungry. Being hungry has nothing to do with it, unless, of course he meant "hungry" as in desirous as opposed to a condition resulting from a lack of food. I strongly infer that based on his usage of the word, Ken meant the latter. I apologize - I digress. The point is, sometimes a gal just needs a palatable pick-me-up and chocolate is a prime candidate for pick-me-up-ness. I think someone needs to explain what a "craving" is to this husband of mine and then remind him of his obligation -nay duty - to indulge my cravings (at least every once in a while), given my "delicate" state. Eat an apple! I scoff at the very idea.

Sleeping Beauty

2009-04-09T10:08:00.001-07:00

I just have to say that there is nothing worse than being forced to breath through your mouth while sleeping at night to accomodate that nasty reoccurrence: the stuffy nose. I certainly did not wake up feeling refreshed, unless "refreshed" feels like a residued mouth and hairy teeth. Moreover, discovering a few saliva stains on the pillow was just the icing on the cake. Take a hike congestion - I need my beauty rest because no straight thinking person would ever kiss this morning glory.

"Luke" Vetoed

2009-03-31T19:11:00.000-07:00

They say that speaking to your baby whilst he/she is still in the womb will help the baby recognize your voice and, therefore, make bonding after birth more seamless. This piece of information was reiterated to Ken and I at our last prenatal class and since then, Ken has made more of a conscious effort to speak to the baby through the many protruding layers of my stomach.

I soon discovered, however, that Ken's version of "bonding" was speaking to the baby in a hypnotic, Darth Vaderesque voice and telling him how much better his Daddy is than his Mommy. For example,

Ken: Hellooooo baby. This is your Daddy speaking. Listen to MY voice and not to
Mommy's because Mommy doesn't love you as much as I do. Mommy is always
complaining about you kicking her in the ribs but if you were kicking ME in the ribs I
would consider it a great privilege. Did you know that -OUCH.....!

And this is when I might let Ken know what the baby kicks feel like by poking him mercilessly in the ribs. Now the baby will learn to distinguish between that imposter, Darth Vader, and the common wimperings of his real father.

J

Oh Happy Day!

2009-03-21T13:10:00.000-07:00

Shortly after my last post, the hot water returned to our building. You may be relieved to know that no harm or accident befell Ken. My kindling wrath was doused quite quickly by a soapy, hot shower...aaahhh. I would, however, like to extend a warm thanks to those who, either out of sympathy for my showerless state or out of a concern for Ken's safety, kindly offered their warm showers for my useage. All is right in the world - at least for now.

J

Casualty of Discomfort

2009-03-19T12:50:00.000-07:00

What a beautiful thing a lovely warm/hot shower is. It gently awakens you into morning awareness and relaxes the aching muscles of a restless sleep. But, oh, how I have taken this every-day luxury for granted.

For the past four days I have been without the comfort of a hot shower - as have the rest of the tenants in my building. Thank you landlord for speedily solving this problem (heavy sarcasm intended). Yesterday I couldn't stand my non-hygienical state any longer and braved the icey spray. Big mistake; I couldn't stop shaking for an hour afterwards and felt as though all the energy I had ever possessed had evaporated into airy thinness.

If I don't get a warm shower soon, someone is going to have to bear the brunt of my unease and, since proximity is key, it will most likely be my innocent husband. Poor Ken. Is it okay to be evil to someone if you warn them in advance?

J

Lost and Found

2009-03-12T12:31:00.000-07:00

It has many names: "pregnancy brain," "baby brain drain," and, as my mother calls it, "prenatal brain fog." It's a "condition" experienced by expectant mothers often characterized by short term memory loss, forgetfullness and absant mindedness. Some say such a condition is a myth but I say screw you baby-brain nay sayers; there has to be some reason my gray matter has turned to mush!

Today I left my wallet at the cashier counter (I kid you not) three times! The first two times, the cashiers were kind enough to run my wallet out to me as I was obliviously vacating the store. The third time, a kind and ever-so beloved fellow-patron at Subway mentioned that he had seen a ladies wallet at the cashier counter and wisely advised that I check to see if I had misplaced mine. A mind that so carelessly and cavalierly capitualtes her cash is a confounded mind indeed (too much alliteration?).

It continues. Last night while watching Jeopordy, I missed the Thomas Hardy reference and confused Operation Torch with Operation Barbarossa, proving that I am not "far from the madding crowd" but smack dab in the middle of it. What kind of English/History major am I? This baby better be brilliant because he's sucking the smart out of me like a Peter's milkashake through a straw.

Hoping to return to the land of the learned soon,
J

P.S. I don't hate my baby.

Let the Wild Rumpus Start

2009-03-09T13:45:00.000-07:00

I spend my days working with children of all ages and am consistently amazed by what incredibly imaginative, random and largely ludicrous comments they make. It almost makes up for their manushydrosopaphobic (my version of a hand washing phobia), paper ripping, water spilling, Kleenex avoiding, work stalling, and table kicking predilections. Today’s example: "Max" – a seven year old, sandy haired boy with a gift for masticating rubber erasers.

Today Max was in fine form, deftly appropriating my wrapper-fresh Staedtler Mars Plastic eraser. After rescuing the innocent chunk of rubber from his vice-like jaws, we started to discuss the orthographic tendencies involved in spelling the word “back” (i.e. discovering what letters/letter combinations can make the /k/ sound and then testing each option). While this activity proved to be incredibly engrossing to the small boy, somehow (surprising, I know) his attention was diverted to drawing pictures in the margins of the lined paper.

I decided to indulge him for a few minutes and asked him about what he was drawing. He showed me a charming set of monsters, each in the process of either tearing or burning some poor stick person to pieces. A conversation ensued as follows:

J: Are your monsters good or bad?
M: Definitely good...but they're not MY monsters.
J: Whose are they then?
M: They're the monsters that fight for God.
J: But doesn't God have angels to do that?
M: Ya, but angels can't pee fire!

Touche, Max. Touche,
J

Cuddling Conundrum

2009-03-05T17:12:00.000-08:00

My husband and I have been trying to solve this problem for the longest time : where to comfortably place your lower arms when your cuddling face to face in bed at night. Thanks to our favorite web comic (http://xkcd.com/335/) - solution found.

Need I say more?
J

Blog Virgin

2009-03-05T11:39:00.000-08:00

Last night I became acutely aware of my complete lack of blog savy. As two close friends freely chatted about their favorite bloggers, I became a little absorbed in an internal dialogue. I haven't even read a blog before? Am I a bad friend for not reading the blogs of friends and family? Am I ready to jump on the blog bandwagon myself and rid myself of the clearly embarassing title of blog virgin? Isn't "blog" an amusing word? Not much of a "dialogue" in the true sense of the word, I know, but it obviously did the trick. This was my first time and it wasn't so scary. Plus, it gets more enjoyable with time and practice right?

A blog virgin no more,
J